I remember exactly where I was standing that Wednesday in 2004 when my father called to tell me that Phil had died. I remember telling him that this was impossible and that, "I am sure he will get better - right?" It wasn't until I called my boss to ask for the evening off that the gravity of the event had buried its way into me. I could feel the finality - unalterable, fixed forever without an undo button. My poor sister's birthday came a day later suspending celebrations and trading them for tears. We have not forgotten.
Aunt Erma's birthday was on the 10th. Phil died the 18th. Grace's birthday was on the 19th and Sam's on the 22nd. These, surrounding other events, more catholic in nature - Lent and Valentines Day. This year, I celebrated Lent with our Anglican community in the Old City and found the phrase, "Repent and believe the Gospel" as it was juxtaposed to, "From dust you came into the world, to dust you shall return" resonating in my ears for some time. This, due to sobering realization that life is terribly transient - pent up in a symbol, ash - set in contrast to the life, death and resurrection of Jesus.
These heavy thoughts were not alleviated the next day. Valentines Day followed in sequence bringing a number of images to mind, good and bad. It reminds me of Dad and Mom sharing little gifts. I remember that my sister and I set up a little candle light dinner. We set up a little card table and dressed up in our finest, just a simple and probably silly-looking thing.
Truth is, holidays and memorials are powerful. Perhaps its their ability to bring pause to life or the way they pressure you into a relative kind of introspection. In the end we evaluate our current relationships or connectedness to God and people. As for me, Psalm 73 has been on my mind a lot recently:
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.
(Psalm 73:25-28 ESV)
As for the everyday life, February was full up with new visitors and new opportunities alongside of responsibilities that I have already taken on. New students arrived at JUC a bit before the month started and programs and classes have been a part of their first month. For me, it has been incredibly meaningful to be a part of the cycles here. The availability of thesis materials, church, campus work, the Olive Branch Institute (OBI), etc. are themselves the reasons why I came back to Israel.
That said, my schedule has a pretty constant run with a mix of different kinds of interruptions. My mornings are devoted to my thesis and my afternoons to work on campus. After work, depending on the day, I have church, teaching responsibilities for the OBI, soccer and more time for my paper; this, between tours, private and for the OBI.
Trips 'round with groups remind me that this small stretch of real estate is extraordinarily diverse from the Negev to the Galilee; from mountains to desert plains; from Hermon's heights to Dead Sea lows. Its striking how life runs along a similar tenor. Fully engaged we encounter joy and heartache; whether as a result of love and betrayal or community and disenfranchisement. Life contains the ups and downs of journey... a journey that, once started, "will be carried on to completion".
“The Lord bless you and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”
Love,
Seth
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