I’d like to think that significant change follows a significant experience... like journeying in Israel and Palestine - the encounter with people, engaging presence of place, and explicit contextualization of a document that I have grown to love. Affect is inevitable. The questions that are now a part of my every day experience surround how this affect affects re-entry. For example, does Wal-Mart feel more abnormal? Do everyday conversations annoy me now that I can understand every loose cannon and every slight?
Truth is, my transition back into these American things is less obtuse than I would have imagined, though I am sure I still think about these things more than most. For instance, I almost think I wish I had been more annoyed with big-market-mentality and more empathetic to the little guy buried in the bureaucracy of having to maintain in the face of inexplicable bills and regulatory taxes. The sad reality is that even with invested experience, I don’t empathize too well or not well enough. Maybe this is the more bothersome reality. It seems like our situation is something dealt to us and if we are a part the majority, no matter how small, our language is full-up with compromise and syncretism is the new normal. We only celebrate separatism when things or people infringe on that systemic norm. I’d like to think that acknowledging these things is the first step to change.
About finding a place back in American Christian circles, I have thought about how scary certain heritages are because of their propensity to carry gossip and superiority complexes like handbags... security blankets that dispel internal jealousy and anxiety. For instance, it wasn’t last week and I’m hearing a missionary with plans to land in South East Asia detail “news” about a brothers “sin” with that casual judgmental superiority so comfortably in place in our circles. This makes me sad and mad, especially because this is a pledged and funded emissary of the “good news”. What’s good? His obsession with fall-outs and commitment to make sure people get theirs? Its my belief that “Jesus became sin for us that we might become the righteousness of God in Him”... that “While we were yet sinners Christ died for us”... and that “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins”. These are only a few texts that situate things for me. If God poured out his Wrath on his Son so we wouldn’t have to endure it, what is this new obsession in Evangelical circles with making sure people get theirs? I guess its not a new thing, just a bad ol’ thing. I feel like we are back with the Pharisees, stone in hand, asking for judgment. Its high time that we love grace and forgiveness as if it were something that we have been given...
June carried a number of tours and the frantic feeling that I would be moving state-side in July. The work was timely and needed. Then I transitioned into travel mode and attempted to say goodbye well; this, at the end of the month. Saying goodbye is especially difficult when you know you may never see people again. It solicited tears and reflection because I wanted to verbalize what I thought of their contribution to my life... it wasn't easy, because so many gave so much. This was a very meaningful time for me!
Presently, I have been home a little over a month and I am feeling strangely normal. I have been working in Grand Rapids since the beginning of August. Water activities and church occupy my weekends: work and applications, my week. I am looking for a teaching placement or a research assistantship for next fall and I would appreciate your prayers in that. Once again I am in transition mode... searching for a proper job and trusting that God will provide for our needs in His way and in His time.
May the Lord bless you and keep you!
Seth
